I Think I Finally Found Religion

Can you guess what all of these people have in common?





My local news is always a few days behind the rest of the world. After Oprah, CNN, and GMA all did in-depth exposes of the new teen trend in "sexting,"--sending raunchy photos/videos of oneself via text--WBBJ followed up with coverage about two weeks later. They took to the streets and found three average-looking white people, some of which don't even have kids, to find out how this issue is affecting locals. I'm waiting with bated breath for the follow-up story on the harm of using Twitter in the operating room.

My friend Winnie was in a local play last night, so Jen, Rachel, and I went to show our support. Rachel brought along two other women from school--one born in Rwanda and another girl, who recently moved here--and we trekked downtown to see the show. On the way there, I remarked about the pitiful excuse for a tea party that was held downtown Wednesday, and the trashy girl said, "Yeah, I don't really like tea or even those little cups that they use." I stayed silent.

On the way home, the same girl started talking about the "scary" parts of town. I asked her where she lived, and proudly she responded, "Oh, I live on the NORTH side of town, but my boyfriend lives south of the interstate," and then she shuddered. She said, "He has no idea."

FYI, I live south of the interstate. We were currently south of the interstate. The girl from Africa now lives south of the interstate, and I can't even imagine what she thought about trashy girl saying our town was scary when she moved her from a place like, I don't know, RWANDA.

After I got dropped off in Baghdad, aka my midtown home, I started thinking about her comments. It struck me that her living north of the interstate--which is commonly a divisive line in my town nearly akin to the Berlin Wall--gave her so much pride, so who am I to dash her pitiful tea party dreams and warzone nightmares? I'll probably never see her again, but I only wish I could've remarked on how the thugs have finally figured out that midtown folk don't want for much and, therefore, don't have as much. They've all moved north for their plundering. A scary pedophile in a van was just picked up after cruising for victims out NORTH this week. Besides, who can stand to be in such close proximity to all of those damned casual American dining establishments? Ugh, now that makes me shudder.

Dear God, thank you for helping me put up with a few extra gunshots in the middle of the night, so that I don't have to live with a bunch of subdivision SUV Republicans. Amen.