This Blog Might Very Well Seem Offensive

I've been laughing uncontrollably today. Really, my last blog nearly made me wet my pants. Is it okay to say that?

This weekend is Mother's Day, and I always relish the chance to buy something super special for my own mother. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, is a complete bitchface. Is it okay to say that?

Anyways, my husband agrees: his mother is a total bitchface, so we opted for a card this year for Mother's Day. (Afterall, she did just ignore his birthday Monday.) I called the Bunny to say that I was stopping by Walgreen's to get the cards, and he told me, "Pick out something tacky--really trashy, if you know what I mean. Make it cheap and vague."

Here I am in the middle of the card store, and all I can find is the African American Mother section--which seemed like a good idea at first--and the $6.99 singing cards with all of the loud colors. Save for the scant sentimental lot with a novel inside, everything looked too nice, or, at the very least, too mushy for my mother-in-law. All of a sudden, I find a row of tacky $0.99 cards, and I just lost it. For whatever reason, I started rolling with laughter. There were four people all around, but my eyes welled with tears and my arms hunched over and began to shake.

I found a real ugly card with a poorly-illustrated teddy bear in a garden, but it had too much love inside. There were "Happy Mother's Day, my Friend" cards and "Happy Mother's Day from Miles Away cards," but my M.I.L. only lives about ten miles up the road. Finally, I found a hideous card with a poor photograph of a flower in a glass. The cover reads, "For You" and inside it says, "Happy Mother's Day."

I'm pretty sure I got the vague part right.